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Sinéad Was Not Just Right. She Was Right On.

8/20/2023

"This must be one stupid broad. I'd kick her ass if she were a guy. She must beat her kids to stay in shape."
-- Frank Sinatra

Sinéad O'Connor died on July 26, 2023. Reading and hearing all the glowing tributes pouring in from celebrities and others, one could get the impression that everyone felt she was one of the most admired individuals of her time. Unfortunately, Sinéad was often dismissed, reviled and ostracized during her lifetime by many, including a number of those who praised her in death. But Sinéad was also loved and respected by millions, including the hundreds of thousands of clergy abuse survivors, myself included, who looked up to her for speaking truth to power regarding decades of horrific sexual abuse of children by the Catholic church.

The Kid Who Decked Dan White

5/31/2022

"Jesus doesn't really love you but he thinks you have a great personality."
-- George Carlin

Growing up in San Francisco during the fifties, my older brother Sal, who passed away on May 23, at age 75, was my protector. He looked out for me in our neighborhood (when kids actually played in the streets) partly because my mother told him he had to, and partly because he knew his little brother idolized him. I was great for his ego. But younger brothers often sense the love coming from older brothers. I felt Sal’s whenever he took my hand.

In Memoriam: Salvatore Fericano, November 11, 1946 - May 23, 2022

5/23/2022

"I spot a young barn owl / standing by the road / peering at his own reflection in a puddle"
-- from After the Rain by Dan Gerber

DRUNK COWBOY TEACHES ME A LESSON
for my brother Sal

He drinks beer on the hardwood kitchen floor
of the small house in San Francisco where we grew up
squeezing the neck of a junk guitar
and howling one lonesome refrain after another.

Remembering Katie O'Reilly Rogers

1/30/2020

"what if and what if and what if / teetertotter in my brain"
-- Rich Yurman, from his poem "Sleep", from his book More!

On January 10, 2020, friend and fellow traveler Katie O'Reilly Rogers passed away. Katie had been battling brain cancer for nearly nine years, and throughout her ordeal she maintained and exhibited great courage and her quick sense of humor. As some may recall, Katie was the gifted and noted landscape architect from Santa Barbara who designed the Garden of Forgiveness for SafeNet / Instruments of Peace, and created the beautiful and inspiring conceptual drawing that was presented to Mission Santa Barbara in 2009 with the hope that the project would be embraced and approved by the Franciscans. Though the project was never adopted, none of us will ever forget the impassioned presentation she made that day to the friars.
I join many others in offering warm thoughts of comfort and peace to Katie's family.
Services for Katie are scheduled for Saturday, February 1, 11 a.m. at Mission Santa Barbara.

Honor Among Priests

10/28/2018

“Something’s burning somewhere. Does anybody care? Is anybody there?”
-- Harry Chapin

Earlier this month, I spoke with a survivor I hadn’t heard from in 15 years. When he called, I heard a voice on the phone that was strong, confident and at peace. This was a former seminarian who had been sexually molested by a Franciscan friar when he was 13. For years he fought drug and alcohol addictions until he sought and received the help he needed to rebuild his life. “I know I’m one of the lucky ones,” he said. Despite the abuse he suffered, he still found himself clinging to what he called “core Franciscan principles” that helped him accept what each day had to offer. Retired now and living near his children and grandchildren, he’s had no contact with the friars in more than fifty years. Yet the irony of his situation continues to haunt him. “I still have days,” he admitted, “where I wish to God I had never heard of these guys.”

Like a Welcome Flood

8/8/2018

“I was fourteen when they kicked me out. They said I wasn't very smart and had a bad attitude.
I always thought I would have made a good priest.”
-- A former St. Anthony’s seminarian and clergy abuse survivor

At Saints Simon and Jude church (SSJ) in Huntington Beach, California, practically every unpleasant encounter that parishioners have experienced with their pastor, friar Daniel Barica, has been a replay of his time spent as pastor at Mission Santa Barbara. This is a disturbing pattern for a minister responsible for the spiritual well-being of almost 4000 families. But Barica is no shepherd of the church. He is a wolf preying on his flock and thriving in a fearful environment he creates and controls. I find this personally offensive and unnervingly similar to the way my own offender operated more than fifty years ago. As a survivor of clergy sexual abuse, I feel I’m being victimized by the Franciscans once again as they continue to protect this priest and do nothing to stop him from causing harm.

Don't Show Them the Money

7/12/2018

"Reality. What a concept."
-- Robin Williams

Last month a parishioner alleged to be romantically involved with troubled pastor Daniel Barica of Saints Simon and Jude (SSJ) Catholic church in Huntington Beach was identified by name in a comment left on this site. When it was brought to my attention I immediately deleted it along with the person’s name. The stress and anxiety that many SSJ parishioners have endured since this un-Franciscan friar took charge in 2012 is understandable. Watching their beloved parish torn apart by a tyrannical priest has been heartbreaking. But Barica’s removal from office will ultimately be determined by the truth, not rumors. Speaking up in public, documenting incidents, and going on record are still the most effective ways to puncture a bully’s inflated ego.

Idol Rumors - Part 1

4/21/2018

"If people wanted to hear the truth they wouldn't eat out."
-- The One Minute President

SENATOR CRUZ FINALLY CATCHES FIRE AFTER WEEK OF PRAISING TRUMP
Boston Cardinal O’Malley Mistakes Ghost of Kevin Spacey for Jesus Christ

Yossarian Universal News Service (YU News)
Special Report / A Room With A Pew

Washington, DC (YU) – Ted Cruz, the alien U.S. senator from the planet Volgon in the Chubb Group of Galaxies, was resting comfortably today after being flown by hot air balloon to the Jimmy Swaggart Memorial Hospital in Lubbock, Texas. Cruz required emergency medical treatment after spending several days fasting and praying for guidance in the Chihuahuan Desert on the Mexico border where temperatures reached 130 degrees in the shade.

Our Mirror Selves

12/19/2016

“Service is the rent we pay for the privilege of living on this earth.”
--Shirley Chisholm

During its annual meeting this past November, the board of directors of Instruments of Peace unanimously adopted a resolution to conclude business and dissolve the nonprofit. It was agreed that its main program, SafeNet, which John McCord and I co-founded in 2003, would revert to an all-volunteer advocacy group and continue its work without financial assistance. “SafeNet” is an acronym for “Survivors Alliance and Franciscan Exchange Network.” With a return to its roots, the “Franciscan” aspect of its name would once again impart a deeper meaning to a ministry of service.

Of Men in Foolish Hats and Housecoats

3/27/2016

"I could have sworn I saw myself coming through that door not more than two lifetimes ago."
       -- Groucho Marx
New Feature
I KNOW YOU'RE OUT THERE, I CAN HEAR YOU MOLESTING ME
________________

One of the healthiest and most powerful ways to address the seemingly endless folly of organized religion is to use the tools of social and political satire to reveal it. When the Catholic church, for example, attempts to make the problem of clergy sexual abuse invisible in its own history, it not only confounds everyone’s ability to see the problem in the present, but it holds itself up to be mocked. For years religious leaders and their attorneys have played hardball with victims in an attempt to spin the truth and rewrite the moral narrative. On this issue alone the sovereign farce that has become church practice and policy toward survivors has trumpeted the arrival of its own court jesters.

The End of a Reign of Error

1/19/2016

"Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for a kindness."
-- Seneca

On January 12, the 165 friars that make up the Franciscan Province of St. Barbara in California overwhelmingly elected a new provincial, David Gaa. Their choice not only signified the most hopeful sign of change in the province since the clergy abuse crisis of 1993, but it also brought an end to seven years of autocratic rule. Make no mistake: the Franciscans are poised to do a complete 180 in the ways that count most. And while the friars would never admit to it publicly, it’s clear that Gaa’s election is a compassionate but firm repudiation of former provincial John Hardin’s divisive policies. The suffering people of this province, friars and laypersons alike, could not feel more grateful if St. Francis himself had kneeled and washed their feet.

A Year In Review: Reading, Writing and Arithmetic

12/30/2015

"Curiouser and curiouser!."
-- Alice, from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll

One of the first promises I made to myself back in January of this year was to re-visit certain books from my youth that instilled in me a lifelong love of literature and reading. I had been experiencing some difficult transitions in my life and I sought comfort and wisdom in the pages of books that had been such good friends to me growing up. Decades had gone by, for example, since I had picked up a copy of Treasure Island and fed my imagination with tales of buccaneers and buried doubloons.

Portrait of the Poet as a Young Seminarian

3/9/2015

"Irreverence is our only sacred cow."
-- Paul Krassner

Ever since I began to read, study and compose words as a young boy, poetry has spoken to me in a language as clear as anything in my life. It’s been a vital part of my personal healing and a great reconciler during times of distress. My first published writing was a four-line, rhyming poem that appeared in a national scholastic magazine when I was nine years old. Two brothers who lived up the street from me burned their house down after playing with matches in their basement. No one was hurt in the blaze, but I can remember watching the flames as the family huddled under blankets on the sidewalk. For several nights I had terrible dreams about what I had witnessed. Writing a poem about it helped me express my fears.

The Year Perry Como Saved Christmas

12/19/2014

"But the prettiest sight to see is the holly that will be on your own front door."
--Sung by Perry Como, with words by Meredith Willson

In December of 1965, I left Saint Anthony’s Seminary in Santa Barbara on Christmas break and took the long train ride home to San Francisco. Keeping to myself, I spent most of the trip staring out the window and watching the scenery speed past me like a silent movie. The whole time I kept wondering: how could I explain to my parents what had been happening to me at school? For the first three months of my freshman year I had been emotionally and sexually abused by a Franciscan priest who served as the school’s prefect of discipline and used medical treatment as a ruse. I had no name for what I was experiencing. But inside I knew something was wrong. As I lay in bed each night in the dormitory listening to the other boys sleep, I slowly felt myself slipping into despair and depression.

Problem Priests: The Next Powder Keg on the Church Stove

11/11/2014

"Every absurdity has a champion to defend it."
--Oliver Goldsmith

An alarming and all-too-familiar issue within the Catholic church has been the question of problem priests: seriously troubled men who are put in charge of parishes where they ride roughshod over the laity. Last month I wrote two separate letters on behalf of parishioners of Saints Simon and Jude church (SSJ), a Franciscan parish in Huntington Beach, California. In both letters, the subject focused on documented grievances of parishioners who spoke of being emotionally abused by their current pastor. My first letter was privately addressed to the Franciscan leadership of the Province of Saint Barbara, a governing body of elected friars, with a copy sent to the Franciscan minister general in Rome. My second letter was a public letter directed at members of the various staff, councils, boards and commissions of SSJ, and copied to the bishops of the Diocese of Orange, California.

Forgiving Our Trespasses

10/13/2014

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"Forgiveness is a word no one can agree on."
--Marina Cantacuzino, The Forgiveness Project

Forgiveness is often a complex and confusing aspect of any healing process, particularly for those molested by the clergy. According to my own traditional Catholic school upbringing, the act was designed to be simple. We were told to forgive and we felt obligated to do so. We merely spoke the right words and our faith transformed us. But any movement in that direction was mostly driven by guilt, fear and control. I wasn’t the only one who was left feeling empty and unfulfilled. Most of us had no understanding of either the act or the method. How could we know otherwise? When forgiveness was preached it was often more about imposing beliefs and values and less about helping others find comfort and stillness.

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The Redemptive Wound

9/8/2014

"It is difficult to imagine that individuals and societies governed by the seeking
of pleasure--as much as or more than by the avoidance of pain--can survive at all.”
--Antonio Damasio, from his book Descartes’ Error: Emotion, Reason and the Human Brain

Back in 2004, the mother of a boy who had been abused while a student at Saint Anthony’s Seminary in Santa Barbara in the eighties, contacted me through SafeNet out of concern for her son’s mental health. His condition worsened after he began menacing a local parish priest (unrelated to his abuse) with veiled threats. Upon meeting with the family at their home in Northern California, immediate care for the son was obtained with the help of county health officials and professional evaluations. At the mother’s insistence, the Franciscans were never formally notified of the abuse. But it was the emotional state of another family member, an older cousin who had also attended Saint Anthony’s at the same time, that helped me realize how deeply the wounds of clergy sexual abuse had affected other former students who were secondary survivors.

No Bad Memories Allowed

8/4/2014

“O, talk not to me of a name great in story
The days of our youth are the days of our glory.”
--Lord Byron, from his poem All for Love

In Santa Barbara later this week, a small fraternity of former students of Saint Anthony’s Seminary will gather on the grounds of their alma mater (the current home of The Garden Street Academy) to celebrate their annual reunion. The Saint Anthony’s Seminary Alumni Association (SAS Alumni Association) was founded in 1986 by Franciscan friar Finbar Kenneally who shared his clear vision for the group at its first reunion: “That the ideal of brotherhood, so fundamental in Franciscan life, be fostered among the alumni, and that no former student should ever feel bashful or alienated.” This sentiment echoed Finbar’s belief that every student was welcome no matter if he attended the seminary for one day or four years.

The Art of Dropping the Ball: Playing Catch with the Catholic Church

7/6/2014

“Your suffering, my suffering.
Whose do you prefer, my friend?”
--Kurt Brown, from his poem Agonistes

On June 28, 2013, I visited the offices of the Archdiocese of Boston for a scheduled meeting with Cardinal Sean O’Malley. With the help of Olan Horne, a board member of Instruments of Peace and one of five clergy abuse survivors who met privately with Pope Benedict XVI in 2008, this meeting was arranged to establish a relationship with the cardinal and introduce him to SafeNet. O’Malley’s recent appointment by Pope Francis to his inner circle of advisors earlier in the year had created a rare opportunity to open a dialogue with the Vatican.

The Men We Were Expected To Become

6/6/2014

“Whether it was having a good time, or working, or praying, there was something
different about the Franciscan spirit. It joined us together in one big family.”
--It Takes A Man, 1959

When I was a boy attending a Franciscan parochial school in San Francisco for a brief period during the fifties and sixties, a popular vocational film made the rounds each spring and was shown to every boy in the fourth through eighth grades by the pastor of our church in the school auditorium. This short, motivational film, “It Takes A Man,” was produced by the Franciscans with the intent of getting boys to think about the priesthood and what it meant to have a vocation for the Franciscan way of life.

The Sin of Spiritual Worldliness

5/1/2014

“Those who are put in charge of others should be no prouder of their office
than if they had been appointed to wash the feet of their confreres.”
--St Francis of Assisi

Early last year I received a letter from a classmate of mine from St. Anthony’s Seminary who wrote to tell me he was coming to Santa Barbara in April and hoped to get together with me. His youngest boy, a high school senior, had been accepted to UCSB. Father and son were now making the trip from their home in the southwest to visit the campus. Like me, David (not his real name) had been molested during his freshman year at the seminary. Unlike me, he hadn’t been back to Santa Barbara since he left the school in 1967.

"I spot a young barn owl / standing by the road / peering at his own reflection in a puddle" -- from After the Rain by Dan Gerber

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"I spot a young barn owl / standing by the road / peering at his own reflection in a puddle"
-- from After the Rain by Dan Gerber